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      讓靈魂附在另一個骨架里,去追逐和感受另一個人生,或平淡如水,或光怪陸離,那些都是你不曾擁有,卻極致渴望的世界......
      當前時間:2019-07-20 19:26:55
      1. 愛閱小說
      2. 都市
      3. 卑與尊
      4. 祭奠(引)

      祭奠(引)

      更新于:2018-03-16 16:02:43 字數:1897

        Part1:很多時候,人都是為了“為了”這二個字而活著。“心無所歸,身在何處?”沒有了“為了”在任何地方都感覺是在流浪。所以,當你有了值得“為了”的人,請好好珍惜吧。別讓心靈流浪的太久。

        1927.8.11日-1994.09.15日

        “過路的人,這里埋葬著海倫的骨灰。她來自法國,她將畢生的時光貢獻給教會和中國的孤兒。”

        “您永遠的孩子,永遠的驕傲Tomas”

        似乎回國的日子正合時宜,適合吊唁的天氣。冷風,微雨。十字架墓碑。墓碑上有著一張一寸的看上去很慈善的外國老人的黑白照片。生卒日期。用中法文混寫的一段墓志銘。以及在墓志銘下面歪歪扭扭的用法文刻出的“您永遠的孩子,永遠的驕傲。Tomas。”再加上墓碑后埋葬一個骨灰盒以及里面裝著的骨灰。這就是海倫在中國留下的一切吧。方卓群苦澀的想著。

        “媽媽,我回國了。我來看你了。”方卓群笑著對那張照片說道。只不過笑容中夾雜著眼淚。讓人感覺說不出的心酸。

        把花輕輕的放在墓碑前。抬手把臉上的淚水拭去。這一刻,似乎所有的一切都得到了釋放。不顧墓碑前花崗巖石臺的陰冷和潮濕。坐了下來。

        輕輕的撫摸著那張照片。就像小時候,坐在海倫的懷里,調皮的用手數著海倫臉上的皺紋一樣。只不過感覺不到肌膚的溫度,只有刺骨的寒。

        “你說過,男子漢不哭,所以我很少哭過。對不起,好多年都沒有來看過你了。”

        “這么多年,我一直按照自己本心走下去。從來沒有放棄過。我沒有讓你失望。可是我好累。”

        “我失去了金錢,事業,權利。可我沒有太多的在意和難過,也沒有感覺自己很失敗。因為擁有它們我始終也沒有感覺幸福過。”

        “但所有的一切是我認為最值得珍惜一輩子的朋友所設的局,為什么我心里只有痛,而無法去恨?”

        “這么多年,我所堅持的一切到底是對是錯?請您告訴我?”語音有點哽咽,卻始終控制住自己的眼淚。

        “我這輩子永遠的遺憾,就是沒有報答過你。我去過你的家鄉魯西榮,真的像個色彩瑰麗的五彩城一樣。特別的漂亮。您看,這是我幫您拍的照片。”說完從衣兜里掏出一沓照片,一張張的擺放在墓碑前。

        他就這么喃喃的在墓碑前訴說著離開孤兒院后所有的生活軌跡。

        “我在孤兒院長大。”

        “你是一個孤兒?”

        “不,我只是在孤兒院長大。我并不是孤兒。”

        當對自己真正的朋友說出自己的來歷時,第一句話說完時,總會停頓一下,等著朋友第二句的疑問,續而很堅定的回答第三句,“我并不是孤兒。”

        在孤兒院有了海倫的存在,他從不感覺自己是孤兒。他是在八三年的一個秋夜被不知道是否是所謂父母的人遺棄在孤兒院門口。那天是海倫值夜,當她從大門口微弱的燈光發覺外面有東西時,方卓群已經在襁褓里凍得連哭的聲音都發不出來。襁褓里只留有一張紙條。

        “這孩子叫方圓,因特殊原因,無法撫養。懇請孤兒院代為照顧。希長大后,別像他失敗的父親,做人得在方圓之間,懂中庸之道。”這就是方卓群所知道的關于自己的所有的一切。

        很多事情可能都會有遺傳的因素。在一次因為意外逃離孤兒院后的火車上。他把自己的名字改了。“我一輩子即使餓死,也不學中庸圓滑之道。方卓群。君子以方,而卓爾不群。

        這就是我以后的名字和將要走的路。”很堅定的信念.

        十一歲那年的冬天,海倫永遠的離開了他。

        在世上唯一的親人。

        “Tomas(方卓群的教名)我走后不要哭。要堅強的活著。不要在意別人說的話,只要你感覺自己沒做錯什么。走自己的路。你知道嗎?你可是我這輩子最大的驕傲.”這是海倫最后留給方卓群的話。

        而方卓群永遠記得自己對海倫的承諾。“恩,媽媽。我會永遠成為你的驕傲,不會讓你失望。”

        他用牙齒僅僅的咬住嘴唇,至始至終沒有流出過一滴眼淚。因為海倫經常對他說,“男子漢不哭。”只是嘴里一直很咸,那是鮮血的味道。

        他親眼看著海倫的骨灰盒被埋葬在墓碑的后面。當時臉色冰冷的讓很多人感覺害怕。當所有人離開后。他在墓碑前呆了二天一夜,親手刻下了那行字。一直到第二天傍晚,孤兒院的修女確實放心不下。才把已經昏倒在墓碑前的方卓群帶回了孤兒院。

        “心無所依,身在何處?”心靈沒有一個歸宿。在任何地方都像是在流浪。很多人會說,流浪詩人很浪漫。可是誰天生喜歡流浪?那個時候的方卓群,心里失去了所有的歸宿。很長一段時間,都感覺不到存在的意義。每天只有更加的沉默去緬懷心有所依的日子。在別人的眼里更為怪異和孤僻。

        “媽媽,我要走了。以后我會經常來看你。”天色已經漸漸黑了下來。他終于把心里所隱藏的一切。第一次毫無顧忌的袒露了出來。

        掙扎著從墓碑前爬了起來。全身已經凍得很僵硬,深深的看了一眼那張一寸的黑白照片。一瘸一拐的向著陵園外走去。

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